Of course the forced inaction gives me too much time to think.
Today I have been thinking about my boy [big and black] and our relationship.
I have been under a lot of stress lately -- too many things that need doing, and therefore pushing myself too hard. Problem is, when I am tired my body doesn't work properly and I spasm a lot more.
If I am in my chair I know Middi is standing patiently by my side just waiting for me to "come back", knowing he is there gives me strength, and a feeling of security.
No one is going to pinch my bag or anything else, with a big black poodle standing guard, when I am able, I will reach out my hand to rub his topknot, then we can continue on our way.
If I have an anxiety attack or worse still a panic attack, I know he is there to hold, until I have mastered my feelings and calmed down.
The most precious thing he does is look after me when I go to the hospital each fortnight. He always lies in his corner and sleeps, until some sense tells him I am upset, then very quietly he will get up, move to my chair and nudge me with his long nose.
Some times I am not even aware of what he is doing until my therapist tells me to look at what is happening.
None of these behaviours are taught, they are just the loving bond we have between us.
Yes, Middi can pick up everything I ask, he can fetch the phone, even pull the door open if I let him, but none of those things are as important to me as the sense of security he gives me.
And you know what, these are the things he is not allowed to be registered for!.
Panic attacks are "psychiatric" problems, and therefore not recognised!
So Middiwill just plod along with me and no one will officially know the support he gives me.
CRAZY!
