An aniversary!!

In a couple of weeks my eldest grandson turns ten.

This is a milestone that comes with mixed feelings for me.

I remember his birth so well

; the long trip up to the William Angus Hospital,

then sitting on the bed encouraging Rebekah,.

It was a text book birth, 

I think there is nothing more frightening

 than watching your daughter,

 give birth to her first child,

 but all changes when the head crowns

and out comes your first grandson, with a great pair of lungs.

I have five beautiful grand children,

 and remember very clearly the day each one was born.

Tali's birthday reminds me that another anniversary is coming up.

I have been disabled for 10 years. 

When I say the words, it sounds a long time,

but it has gone so quickly.

Lying in my bed, on a hot Melbourne day,

I naturally think about the changes that have occured.

Yes, some of them have been mind blowing to me,

and my family also.

I know all about the "BlackDog" of depression, he lived in this house for a very long time and still comes back to visit every so often.

BUT

these days he is met by another Black Dog,

who gives me love and strength to fight.

I do not subscribe to the statement that says --

"what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".

For me it certainly does not.

Being disabled  frustrates me, 
sometimes I have no patience with this body 
that will not do what I want it to.

Sometimes I get angry and think Why me!

I am not Polly Anna, I can not play the "glad game",

there really is nothing positive about being disabled.

If I wasn't disabled, I would be living a very different life.

Now here come the positive things about my new life,

they are the internal things that no one sees.

My world is much smaller now, but much more intense,

 I really do stop and look at the flowers, 

and see the beauty of the world around me.

I listen to the sound of the birds and the insects,

 in my garden,or at the park.

 When you are in a wheel chair you do a lot of sitting, 

so you might as well use your time constructively!!

Of course I have learned the obvious things as well,

I know all about discrimination,

 what its like to have no money,

and the saddest one, 

to loose friends and acquaintances.

My body has become weaker, 

but my spirit has become stronger.

Now I use my voice to fight for equality,

as I keep telling everyone,
 [who may or may not want to listen]

I must use my voice for those who cannot speak. 

Strangely, my belief in God has become stronger,

I have more time to look at this beautiful world

 He must have created, 

and feel very sad how we are destroying it.

What a long and rambling post this has become,

it will be interesting to look back again in ten years

and see if I still feel the same.