Thinking

   My poor old chair was not plugged in properly last night, so I am stuck in bed, until it has enough "juice" to take me out.
Of course the forced inaction gives me too much time to think.

Today I have been thinking about my boy [big and black] and our relationship.
I have been under a lot of stress lately -- too many things that need doing, and therefore pushing myself too hard. Problem is, when I am tired my body doesn't work properly and I spasm a lot more.
If I am in my chair I know Middi is standing patiently by my side just waiting for me to "come back", knowing he is there gives me strength, and a feeling of security.
 No one is going to pinch my bag or anything else, with a big black poodle standing guard, when I am able, I will reach out my hand to rub his topknot, then we can  continue on our way.

If I have an anxiety attack or worse still a panic attack, I know he is there to hold, until I have mastered my feelings and calmed down.

The most precious thing he does is look after me when I go to the hospital each fortnight. He always lies in his corner and sleeps, until some sense tells him I am upset, then very quietly he will get up, move to my chair and nudge me with his long nose.
Some times I am not even aware of what he is doing  until my therapist tells me to look at what is happening.

None of these behaviours are taught, they are just the loving bond we have between us.
Yes, Middi  can pick up everything I ask, he can fetch the phone, even pull the door open if I let him, but none of those things are as important to me as the sense of security he gives me.

And you know what, these are the things  he is not allowed to be registered for!.
Panic attacks are "psychiatric" problems, and therefore not recognised!
So Middiwill just plod along with me and no one will officially know the support he gives me.
                                    CRAZY!

        

An ordinary Thursday!

Thursday is my favourite day of the week,

its DOG DAY.

As you can see by the photo, today was a perfect Autumn day in Melbourne.

You can tell Middi and I are feeling great --- his tail is up and I have my hand resting on his shoulder.

Apart from socialising with other dogs,

Middi and I have a job to do.

We teach all the dogs not to be afraid of 

"those scary things, called power chairs"

Each session we go to all the groups and walk past the dogs, first slowly along the front, then around the back,

and now full pelt past the front again.

Some dogs are very scared at first, 

after all there aren't that many large blue chairs,

with flowers, racing around their neighbourhoods.

Middi of course, just plods along beside the chair!!

This group have met the chair before

and don't find it particularly scary.

These exercises are good for Middi too, 

he is "working", which means he is not allowed to be distracted 

by any dogs in the street.

I think Middi loves dog school as much as I do,

there are so many dogs to talk to, 

all sizes, some placid, some grumpy and some timid.

I of course meet lots of doggy people

who love to chat about their dogs, and mine.

Of course you meet the odd person,

 whose dog wears a big studded collar 

and is very anti-social, 

funnily enough, they don't usually stay for very long.

This is the end of Thursday morning,

you will have to read the next entry,

 to find out what happened next!!

STAY TUNED!

A walk in the park.

The weather in Melbourne has been terrible,

yesterday it was soooo hot.

Today it is bucketing down and incredibly humid.

The dogs were going stir crazy,

so I decided to take them for a walk.

Much easier said than done!

Putting on their halters is easy, but harnesses are beyond me.

Middi stands like a rock, with his head down and a look in his face that says  "are you ever going to learn!"

Toffee has a velcro girth strap, 

should be easy to put on,

 but she is not tall enough for me to reach.

Eventually we get going:

 Middi plodding along on the outside

and Toffee skipping happily next to the chair.

The first corner is the worst, 

I want to go to the right and Middi wants left, 

Toff doesn't care,

 as long as she is with her brother everything is fine.

At last we are off to the park!

The rule is Toffee must sit at each corner,

Middi is my working boy and does not sit at corners any more,

 he stands, so we can move quickly.

Today Middi had to sit like Toffee.

The indignity of it!

Yes, he sat, 

but you would have thought he was an oldie

taking his final walk to the vet.  :-(

some mums are so mean!

See we did make it

and as you can see we were all happy.

I think we will have to do more tandem walking,

Middi is so sad when I leave him home,

and I miss his presence by my side.

An aniversary!!

In a couple of weeks my eldest grandson turns ten.

This is a milestone that comes with mixed feelings for me.

I remember his birth so well

; the long trip up to the William Angus Hospital,

then sitting on the bed encouraging Rebekah,.

It was a text book birth, 

I think there is nothing more frightening

 than watching your daughter,

 give birth to her first child,

 but all changes when the head crowns

and out comes your first grandson, with a great pair of lungs.

I have five beautiful grand children,

 and remember very clearly the day each one was born.

Tali's birthday reminds me that another anniversary is coming up.

I have been disabled for 10 years. 

When I say the words, it sounds a long time,

but it has gone so quickly.

Lying in my bed, on a hot Melbourne day,

I naturally think about the changes that have occured.

Yes, some of them have been mind blowing to me,

and my family also.

I know all about the "BlackDog" of depression, he lived in this house for a very long time and still comes back to visit every so often.

BUT

these days he is met by another Black Dog,

who gives me love and strength to fight.

I do not subscribe to the statement that says --

"what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".

For me it certainly does not.

Being disabled  frustrates me, 
sometimes I have no patience with this body 
that will not do what I want it to.

Sometimes I get angry and think Why me!

I am not Polly Anna, I can not play the "glad game",

there really is nothing positive about being disabled.

If I wasn't disabled, I would be living a very different life.

Now here come the positive things about my new life,

they are the internal things that no one sees.

My world is much smaller now, but much more intense,

 I really do stop and look at the flowers, 

and see the beauty of the world around me.

I listen to the sound of the birds and the insects,

 in my garden,or at the park.

 When you are in a wheel chair you do a lot of sitting, 

so you might as well use your time constructively!!

Of course I have learned the obvious things as well,

I know all about discrimination,

 what its like to have no money,

and the saddest one, 

to loose friends and acquaintances.

My body has become weaker, 

but my spirit has become stronger.

Now I use my voice to fight for equality,

as I keep telling everyone,
 [who may or may not want to listen]

I must use my voice for those who cannot speak. 

Strangely, my belief in God has become stronger,

I have more time to look at this beautiful world

 He must have created, 

and feel very sad how we are destroying it.

What a long and rambling post this has become,

it will be interesting to look back again in ten years

and see if I still feel the same.

In my garden

I think Melbourne is a wonderful city to live in.

People poke fun of it, because we have "interesting" weather.

I love it!

Yesterday was hot and humid, 

in fact the last few days have been hot and sticky.

Today is beautiful, 24deg. with a slight breeze.

That is why I love it, 

you know the heat will finish in a few days.

Anyway, I went to dream in the back garden for a while, 

something I try and do if I am feeling stressed, or tired.

My garden will never be neat and tidy,

it rambles around all over the place.

Sometimes people make comments about its lack of order,

but I don't care, it suits me!

I have a passion for vines and things that wander around the garden.

Here I am growing the most flavoursome mint I have ever tasted,

and the sweet potato vine from last year.

No idea if it is making any potatoes, but it is getting very adventurous, even checking out Toffee's digging patch!!!

I am sitting in the shade of "Benji's tree,

a huge elm of some sort. 

So many of the plants are memorials for my animals, 

perhaps that is why I love to sit here on my own.

My garden abounds with the ghosts of ducks and chickens,

piggies, lizards, rabbits, tortoises, cats,

and of course my precious dogs.

Most of the dogs are remembered with trees,

but now I have beautiful Mandivilia shrubs ,

A white one for my gentle "Lucky", 

it has a delicate pink center that gradually changes to gold.

The newest flower is bright red.

with very shinny dark green leaves.

It is a strong determined plant, 

yet the flowers are delicate.

It is my Nacho plant.

Thinking about her still brings tears to my eyes.

One day she too, will settle into my heart,

and only leave happy memories.

I hope the ghosts in my garden are all content!

SOMEONE has had a hair cut!

My skinny boy with the long legs, has had a hair cut.

He looks more like a bean pole than ever,

but very handsome!

A Birthday!

Well I have had another birthday,

they seem to come around much too often.

The family went to the dog park for a picnic, 

it was a lovely day, we were going to the zoo,

but the forecast was "rain" 

so we played it safe and the sun shone all day!!

I thought we were just having a picnic

but look what suddenly appeared on the table!

Underneath all that chocolate hair,

was a yummy chocolate Swiss roll.

Thank goodness there were no candles to burn down the shelter.

We ate the back end, I could not eat the head.

After the party, the kids all played on the oval together,

it was so lovely watching  the grand children 

racing around with dogs and not have to worry.

Here are a couple of pictures of them all having fun.

Va used to be nervous of Middi, now he can take him anywhere.

Tahl and Middi deciding where to go.

Sekoya wanted to walk Middi for the first time.

Va controlled the lead [and Middi]

while Koya helped, he was so proud of himself.

How Middi has changed,

I remember when even Chris, sometimes had trouble 

with a big black poodle boy.

How times have changed, I think this was the nicest birthday 

I have had in years.

Next year I will be even older!!!!!

CARS!!!!!

This could have been  your last view of Middi and me!

Last Saturday I got hit by a car, 

Middi and I are very lucky to be still complaining about Melbourne's rotten weather [35deg. today]

We walked down to the farmers market,

bought a few things, and started to amble home.

I am always very careful in the weekends,

drivers seem to leave their brains in bed.

We were walking slowly past a group of fancy town houses,

when suddenly, a large black car reverses very quickly out of the drive, bang, into me!

The worst part was, the driver did not stop when she hit me

my 250kg. chair was pushed sideways.

When she eventually heard me yelling and thumping her car

she stopped, looked at me, and said "I didn't see you" 

wound up her window and disapeared back into the units somewhere.

I was very shaken up, all I could think of was  --

It could have been a  child!

If you drive so badly that you cant see a 

great big power chair with flowers,

what chance of seeing a child.

As we shakily walked home I realised how lucky it was that Middi walks on my right,

if he had been on my left he would have been crushed!

Please remember when driving,

  watch where you are going!

A BIG girl!!

Toffee is definately growing!

Here she is at 6 months.

 

Isn't she a beautiful girl,

not going to fit on my tray much longer.

I cant resist.

Today was one of those balmy days we get in Melbourne, 

after a few days of extreme heat.

Helen and I went to Glenhuntly, 2.2k's from home.

I walked and the kids rode in the car,

what a life!

Middi loves cars, he would always ride if he got the chance.

After the big "ride" he was tired, as you are when your mum expects you to walk half a kilometer.

Toffee of course, was full of beans and could not wait to go to the big dogs park with Chris.

They practiced running free [on the long line] and coming back for a treat when called, a great game,

but a very important skill to be learned.

Looks easy when Chris does it.

When I try it is hilarious,

imagine 15 meters of clothes line, an excited puppy 

and a six wheeled wheel chair.

It takes about 2 minutes for me to get completely tangled

and 20 to get me untangled!!!

When Toffee arrived home,

Middi checked her over to make sure she was still in one piece,

then they went to sleep!

If you look carefully you can see they are sleeping around the end of my bed.

They stayed like this, sound asleep, for more than an hour, .

They love each other, there is no jealousy, food can be shared

and even though they can play very heartily,

the next minute they will be curled up asleep in the one crate, 

with those great long legs tangled round each other.

They bring me so much joy.